It’s about to get real up in here yall.

Today was hard for me for some reason. I think the newness of everything has worn off so I’m no longer in shock that I’m in Washington by myself almost 35 weeks pregnant. I could tell my spirits were sinking a bit last night as I dreamed that Sam was in the bed with me telling me that I couldn’t be late to my doctor’s appointment and it felt so real. But when I woke up I was just staring my body pillow in the face instead of my stud of a husband.  I mumbled something about how my husband was filled with my beefy muscles instead of a pillow and rolled over. I shook it off and praised the Lord for giving me an amazing husband to miss and a healthy pregnancy.

Then I went for a walk with my neighbor and her kids. The four year old kept asking me why Daughtry’s daddy wasn’t here and where he was. I tried to explain but it went about as well as when I tried to explain why Roy was barking. Let’s just say he is in the “why?” phase.

My appointment at the hospital wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It was a group orientation/intake. So no examinations, no personal questions, etc. But I did get my first official appointment for next Monday. I was warned that the midwives were really busy and may not be able to take any more patients but I took a deep breath and informed them that unless they wanted me running the halls making a scene and throwing Twizzlers at laboring mothers, I’d be seeing the midwives for my care. They quickly obliged.

I came back home and was eating some lunch perusing some twitter accounts and saw one that for some odd reason totally did me in. It was from a friend who is due any day now and tweeted that she had just enjoyed a cookout with her friends and was sitting on the couch sipping tea with her husband. Well holy hormonal response, I lost it. I’m sure it was just a weak moment that I hadn’t really grieved that there wouldn’t be any cookouts with friends until I meet some new ones and no sitting on the couch with hubbs until June 17. I don’t want to complain because I have it so great. I have so many blessings it’s ridiculous and I never want to take that for granted.

So I put on my big girl panties (literally… my bum is getting bigger and bigger) opened the Bible and immediately turned to Luke 8:22-25. It’s one of my favorite stories in Scripture and it was exactly what I needed to hear today. We may have storms going on in our lives. I felt like I was in the middle of the storm today and crying to the Lord in the fear that I might drown. But I felt His words so clearly as he calmed the storm and felt like he was asking me, “Where is your faith?”

I have faith that His promises are real, He is present, He is all I need, and He will not leave me. Even the winds and the waves obey Him… I can never forget the grandeur of my God.


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  • Melinie

    hugs to you martha. moving is hard but God is faithful. I spent many nights feeling like I was drowning only to be pulled up to comfort by God’s gentle hand. Looking forward to your adventures coming up and I am praying for peace and comfort as you wait to be with sam.

  • First of all let me just say that I really enjoy reading your blog you have a great sense of humor and are very genuine! And hang in there. God is with you just like you said so well! Your words have encouraged me.
    I can’t imagine what its like! My husband flew to Japan/Phillipines on monday for mission work. He will be away from myself and our two little daughters for only 3 teeny tiny weeks. Reading your post has stopped me from even allowing myself to think of complaining. God bless you and your little fam!

  • Oh friend, what a journey God has you on. I miss you fiercely, even now. I know your mind knows all the logic, all the encouragement, but how I wish I could hug your heart.

  • sandy

    You are strong, spiritually, emotionally and physically. You are one fantastic lady! I know you can do it! Love you and can’t wait to see that sweet baby!

  • sandy

    but now that I think about it…. twirling Twizzlers… pretty funny!