Grocery Store Guidance

First of all, I’m alive. I’m sorry the blog has been quiet for a few weeks but it’s because I’ve moved across the country, moved into a new house, and done these things with two wild rhinobabies that I call my sons. SO, sorry I’ve been MIA.

But I do have a story that I’ve been wanting to share. This has language so if that offends you, don’t read it? Or just pop some candy corn and get over it because it comes from a good place.

I was in the grocery store and was experiencing that crazy little collision of hope and panic because you’ve actually gotten everything on your list and you are finally in the check-out line but the check-out line is long and you have two toddlers who are jumping around your cart like crazy people and throwing all of the embarrassing items onto the floor. No no boys, don’t throw the fruits and veggies on the ground. By all means, only throw the tampons, white strips, and cookies on the ground for all to see.

So here I am trying to look normal and you know “peaceful” and “grateful in all circumstances” but in reality I think that sirens are going off in my head and I’m staring at my kids who are officially screaming in unison now, “LET IT GOOOO  LET IT GOOOO I SHOOT YOU IN THE SKYYYYYY” ….. because apparently Bud thinks Frozen is a military documentary.

I start picking the shame items off the floor and while I wait for my turn in the line which is somehow growing and the lady in front of me is trying to find her coupon for 5 cents off of her can of 35 cent black beans out of her special little accordion coupon binder. And once more with feeling, the boys from my cart yell, “LET IT GOOOO LET IT GOOOO I SHOOT YOU IN THE SKYYYYYY”.

I shoot Bud a look that lets him know that my head is about to explode and if I don’t hear silence soon then he might have an early lesson in hitchhiking. He stops because he really likes his thumbs and doesn’t want to end up in Saw XXI. Bennett Rippy then starts grabbing all of the gum from the aisle (WHY DO THEY HAVE THOSE THERE?!) and throwing them on the ground. I take a deep breath and start picking them up and explaining to the boys in my weird I’mtryingnottoloseitinpublic monotone voice that we must respect other people’s stuff and not make a mess and to use an inside voice. I start to pick up the gum and this woman comes up and starts to help me.

And here is how I got some amazing grocery story guidance:

I look up and say, “Oh no no, it’s totally fine, I’ve got it but thank you so much!”

Angel-Lady: “It’s ok, let me help you. You’ve got your hands full.”

Me: “No it’s ok! Seriously, I’m totally fine.”

Angel-Lady: with this amazing, knowing smile says, “Well honey, isn’t that some beautiful bullshit.”

I literally burst out laughing. I’m talking the from-the-gut, boisterous laugh that sets all of the negativity that tried to sneak into my heart out into space.

I told her that was one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard and yes, she could help me pick up the 5,000 packs of Orbit gum that BR threw on the ground. I gave her a hug and left feeling a million pounds lighter because I laughed and set free those dumb dumb expectations that I put on my kids and myself.

So I’m trying to stop spreading the “beautiful bullshit” and embrace the mess. My sense of humor has always served me well and I don’t know why I keep forgetting it with motherhood. Because by God, I want my kids to remember my laugh.


This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.
  • Gammy

    This is really good!

  • Kim

    Best story ever! The checkout line can be a horrible’re so close..but sometimes… not really.