Hey yall, sorry I’ve been MIA. Sam and I along with some our best buds ran the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston this past weekend so last week my brain was already at the beach.
Last weekend I did entertainment (aka act like a fool and try and make women laugh) at a women’s retreat for a Greensboro church. During a break, a discussion was brought up by a woman as she asked “Why can’t we let go of these negative things in our life that we know will set us free?”
I’ve been marinating on that question ever since. I can’t say that the answer I came to is universal, but it’s my answer to my story, and it may be to yours.
I have certain fears that if I trace the root, are stemming from desires of my heart. For instance, I have a fear of failure which is linked to my desire for success. When my desire for success is threatened, I take action by trying to control everything in my life, being a slave to competition, envying what I don’t have, or just plain being ruthless. These are negative things in my life. If I were to let go of these negative aspects of my life and relinquish my fear of failure… would I be free or would complete mayhem break loose. Both.
Can’t both be sweet?
Being in control and not releasing the negative things in our life makes us feel safer. Imagine your life being on training wheels. By keeping training wheels on your life: you are in control, you’re stable, you’re safe… but you’re secretly chicken. If you take those training wheels off: you could fall, you could wobble, or you could go as fast and as free as you can… but you’re not in complete control.
I’ve been praying of ways that I can take the training wheels off of my life and really release the negative aspects that are keeping my life captive of fear. I’m not planning as much. I’m realizing that I can protect myself from failure to some extent… but do I want to? By protecting myself from failure, aren’t I protecting myself from true success and freedom? My life has been on training wheels – I’m not falling but I’m not going fast and free either. That may be too abstract but man, in my heart it rings true.
There have been times in my life when I’ve been in control. There have been times in my life when I haven’t. In looking back, the richest times and the times in which life was truly life… I wasn’t in control. God is the Author of my story. I don’t want to stifle it with my constant editing. I know it is completely against what society is telling me… don’t be in control? Are you kidding?
But I’d rather take the training wheels off and have a few scars and know what it is like to have the wind blowing through my hair and see the trees zoom past me in all of their colors than to leave this world scratch-free.