I’ve started running again. I used to be an avid runner and then I sort of fell off the wagon when I had Bud and have slowly started again. I’m not a natural runner. AT.ALL. Things flop. Things flap. Things blow in the wind that shouldn’t blow in the wind. But it’s a release for me. Its a time when I can zone out and blare music without being afraid if it’ll wake up my babes. Today I got on the treadmill and it was as if I was running for so much more than my physical health. I had been holding in a lot of my feelings about missing Sam and they came out of their hiding place on that treadmill. I was by myself, no one to be strong in front of, no one to feel embarrassed in front of… just me, the pounding of my feet on the treadmill, and the saltiness of my tears and sweat.
Sometimes brokenness comes at the most random times, but when it does, I have to embrace it, feel it, and eventually run through it.