My friend texted me the other day and asked how mommyhood was. Normally I throw the “Great, I love it!” or “Super duper, just getting used to the new sleep schedule.” or “I really love smelling like breast milk instead of Clinique Happy Heart perfume.”. But I sat and thought about how I truly feel about motherhood before I answered. I wrote her back,
I’ve never felt more tired and more alive all at once
Being Bud’s mama is the second greatest thing that’s happened to me. (The first being marrying my husband… duh)
I love it. It’s exhilarating to see instincts take over, it’s an incredible test of faith, patience, and grace. But with that, I’ve never experienced a deeper connection to God as I ask Him to give me patience and a heart of grace for my son when things are tough. But the greatest thing is, those tough moments don’t happen often. What happens more are the moments that make me feel very alive. I feel my heart beat so loudly and with a purpose when I feed him and his little eyes just stare back up at me. Or when we are sitting on the couch just making faces at each other and mimicking each little sound that comes out of his mouth. Or dancing together to whatever hip hop song is on… what!? I’m teaching him culture! Or when he hears his daddy’s voice in the evenings and follows it with his little eyes and floppy head. Or when I get to pray over him during the day, talk to him about how grateful we are for a daddy that works so hard to provide for us. Or when we talk about what he’ll be like when he’s older and I tell him he can be anything he wants… just not a Fox News correspondent.
I love being Bud’s mama. Am I tired? Yes. He loves to take his sweet time with his night feedings and makes me feel like an all-you-can-eat buffet during the day BUT…. there is a peace that rushes over me and makes me forget all of that as soon he smiles at his own baby poots.
ALSO… we totally went to the grocery store TWICE this week! NO MORE CABIN FEVER!!!