It may have come and gone in a Hallmark flash without a lot of fanfare but I don’t need a day to feel special to be your Mama. Every single day I get completely overwhelmed with love for you. I love glancing back in the car and just giggling at the sight of your innocence. I love the way you wrap your arms around me when I come to get you in the mornings. I weep at the thought of you experiencing hurt in the future that I won’t be able to fix. I laugh at the way your little body runs across a giant field as if it is just going to swallow you whole. I find a peace and a patience wash over me even in your worst tantrums because I know that you are still made of gold in my eyes.

Things are going to get a little nuts here in a few months and I just need you to know that I love being your Mama and I don’t need a brunch or glitter or a Hallmark card to be reminded that each day is a complete, lovely adventure with you. Our day was perfect just the way it was and I wanted to document all of these feelings this morning as I wait for you to wake up.

I adore you,

Your Mama

I wanted to get him outside in the dirt and so we went on a scavenger hunt for things to put in our jungle. Sticks, grass, flowers, dirt, rocks, Roy’s poop…. just kidding, just wanted to see if you were paying attention. And then we brought it back inside and I had put together a recycled box with a bit of that grass stuffing that people use in floral arrangements.

Then we gathered our Dollar Tree (don’t hate) toys and added all the animals or “ahm-als” as Bud calls them to our little jungle box. I added a stick through the top and glued some birds on there which he promptly ripped off in t-minus 2 minutes.

We glued a bunch of nature scenes from magazines to the sides since I was too lazy to paint the thing.

Days later, he’s still playing in it constantly. He loves it and it was a perfect blend of crafting, outside time, and now- independent play while I sneak chocolate in the kitchen make a grocery list!

It’s so strange to me that Bud hasn’t really seen all four of us together because so many of our memories from the last decade of our life involve the Merritts. We saw each other fall in love, we were all in each other’s weddings, and we’ve spent more nights together than can be counted. Ash was my maid of honor, John sang as I walked down the aisle to my man (Iron & Wine’s Such Great Heights to be exact) and we were honored to be a scheming part of their engagement. They live in Jackson Hole (I know, tough life) but hopefully we can make visits more frequent.

I have probably embarrassed Ash more than she’d like, feel like John is my brother, and I love how close Sam and John are. Ash and John are pregnant and I can’t wait to meet this little nugget. I plan on showing this child all the embarrassing pictures of their parents and making sure he/she knows that Aunt Martha will be there for anything they need.

Ash is the kind of friend that I was a f^*&(#$ basketcase at her wedding. I felt like I was giving her away. Sam safety hid in the corner and shook off all responsibility for me.

you’re welcome john. you’re welcome.

YAY JOHN AND ASH!!! HURRY UP AND GET HERE!!!!!

P.S. Follow me on Instagram @marthametzler if you feel so inclined!

playing chase with Dada in the back yard, such glee.

GAH

Derby party! I managed to shove my pregnant self into a Lilly dress…. sausage in its casing yall.

One of Sam’s best buds from home is actually stationed out here with his amazing family and we got to celebrate their son’s 1st birthday!

We have literally done some sort of hike each day and its been amazing. But clearly Bud wanted to play in the rocks more.

Got to play with these hottie mamas. We got some ridiculous stares while all 3 of us were walking around pretty preggo. I actually started threatening people that if they looked for longer than 5 seconds then they would be impregnated.

never. gets. old.

cheaper version of the water table…. hours of entertainment

good thing is the both LOVE me taking pictures. right guys?

exploring the outdoors

looking for clams

my little love

getting ready to race

sam is showing bud the “wind up” that apparently is essential to winning a foot race

joy

WUT

Went to visit our friend Mandy in Gig Harbor…. Bud is loving the boats

23 Weeks

This poor second child is definitely not getting the attention that ole Bud did. I took weekly belly pics with Bud and I knew what his development looked like by each week. Someone asked me the other day how far along I was and I froze. “Uhhhh, 23 weeks? Wait no, 24 weeks. 25? I’m due in August….. yep, I’m due in August.”

But sweet 2.0, you will be loved with a force of a thousands winds and I am so excited to be your mama. You are super active and it brings the biggest smile to my face when I feel you doing your aerobics in there (I can only assume that’s what you’re doing because otherwise I’m growing a tasmanian devil).

I put in a shot at 23 weeks and below are shots at 24 weeks. Am I wearing the same maxi dress from Target? Yes. Because maxi dresses while pregnant? ALL DAY ERR DAY. 

Stats

Weight Gain: None of your friggin’ business.

Preggo Symptoms: I have busted blood vessels on my thighs…. WTF??!! At first we thought they were bruises because it looks like Tonya Harding took to my legs. But after further investigation (which included some weird yoga positions and a mirror and ending with me screaming in the bathroom) they were indeed, busted blood vessels from carrying a bowling ball around my midsection. I’m still getting sciatic pain every now and then which I didn’t really get with Bud but luckily it isn’t too bad if I keep up with my stretches. BUT I’m so grateful I have my energy and I’m not puking anymore. I’ve been able to exercise almost every day and can still roll around and wrestle with my son. Every time I get crazy about the effects the pregnancy is having on my body, I stop and appreciate in awe the way our bodies can actually carry children. That is nuts.

Also, did I mention I LOVE feeling him move everywhere? Oh man, that never gets old.

Cravings: popsicles, apples

Aversions: fish

24 Weeks

I received a question about how I freed myself of emotional eating, body image issues, and balancing the truths I know with actual practice. The woman that wrote me shared her heart in such a brave and honest way, it was so humbling. She’s so beautiful inside and out, I can just tell. Her vulnerability and desire to live for more is honestly, so breath-taking. We should all be so open and honest with each other, it takes away the power of darkness and allows light to come on in and really do its work.

I’m going to take little excerpts from her email and write my response. Please know I am a flawed human being so lets let this place be a place of encouragement and positivity and if you have anything positive to add just leave it in the comments section.

“How did you overcome the emotional eating?  I know that anything that I regard as more important or worthy of my affections than Christ is an idol. At this point, I am aware that food is an idol in my life. It’s just really hard to put it back in it’s place as I’m sure you know.” 

Man, deep breaths. So I wouldn’t necessarily say I have “overcome” it because it is a daily battle that luckily, by the pure grace of God, I feel I have been equipped to fight. The greatest part about this is, the quickest way to lose a battle is to never admit you’re in one. So my friend, you are already doing amazingly well because you’re admitting you’re in a battle. So congrats, you’re not living in denial which unfortunately totally SUCKS! Just kidding. But for real, you’re aware of this struggle which makes life hard but SO worthwhile. Now you can armor up. The best way to take away the power of an idol is to knock it down. I knock mine down with gratitude, prayer, and humor. I replace any thoughts of “I’m a fat ass, lazy, I should be a smaller size or look like fill in the blank” with thoughts of gratitude for my body. “I am so grateful I have legs that I can use to walk. I am so grateful my body can carry this child. I am grateful my body can process food and use it to my nourishment.” Even the little things, just be grateful. The more you claim it, the more you’ll believe it and the less powerful that idol will be. It’s hard to hear the negative thoughts when you’re too busy singing the positive ones.

I pray. Man do I pray. When I feel vulnerable or insecure, I pray. I pray for strength, I pray for silence, and I pray for peace. I pray that I stop looking at myself through my jacked-up eyes and remember what God thinks about me.

I use humor. Even in my prayer and my gratitude, I use it. It helps me take away the power of darkness. If I’m tempted to compare myself to other women whether they be on a magazine in the grocery store aisle or walking next to me on the street, I replace my tendency to start self-bashing with humor. “I bet that chick doesn’t appreciate Chewy Sprees the way I do.” or “Your man likes a little shake with his fries Martha so keep shaking.” I have to use humor because it doesn’t make the voice telling me that I’m lacking something sound nearly as much fun to be with as the voice telling me that I’m a badass for warping my body in order to carry children or making beat-boxing noises while my butt bounces up and down when I run. Figure out what you need to do in order to strip that idol of its power, because you already have it in you. You just have to figure out which weapon you want to use. If I read the Hunger Games (which I won’t), then I’d make some sort of joke here about Catniss. 

“Last year at this time, I took control of my eating in a very unhealthy way. I did lose weight pretty quickly and that felt good, but one can’t live off of 800-1,000 calories a day. Then I got back to school in the fall, and slowly averted back to my old ways and gained back some more weight.  I really want to break this crazy food burden I carry around off of me. I have failed so many times. It’s not that I sit and eat gallons of ice-cream or boxes of oreos haha; I just eat until I have that uncomfortably full feeling. I don’t stop when I’m full. I lose my awareness of what I am doing when I eat. I almost go numb. Then I finish and beat myself up, tearing apart my least favorite things about my body and promising to never do it again. The problem is I do this time after time again.  I eat and never truly feel satisfied.”

First you’re right, you should definitely be eating more than 800-1000 calories a day. And also, errrrrr I promise I’ve never eaten a whole box of Oreos by myself… promise.  But for real, if I’m honest, counting calories makes me feel a little too controlling and trapped so I just use discernment when I’m eating. If I eat a huge meal, I try to eat a lighter one later in the day but as long as I’m active and eating healthily, I don’t pay that much attention to calories. There was a long stint in my life when I was counting every calorie, every fat gram, and just obsessing over what I was eating. Mentally and  spiritually it just wasn’t a healthy place for me to be. My issue was far deeper than just what the scale told me. My battle wasn’t about my size or the power of food, it was how I saw myself. I was trying to control little things like eating when really I had a bigger war going on. I needed to figure out my identity and my worth and it sure as hell wasn’t my physical appearance. I needed to start enjoying the gifts, the seasons, the talents, the community that God had blessed me with. He is Love, and I was spending my time on everything BUT love. I started loving Him, loving myself, loving others. It is ongoing and it had to start with little steps. For instance, I had a huge case of Kate Moss-itus and I needed to get rid of that ASAP. So I stopped counting calories and I stopped seeing food as a power in my life…. for good OR evil. I love to indulge the yummy goodness of this world because I think life is to be enjoyed, not controlled.

I hope you find hope in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old is gone and the new has come.” and release yourself from comparing your actions now to “my old ways”. Those ways are gone. So let them go.

Now, my heart ACHES when I hear you say you beat yourself up and tear yourself down. Because my friend, I believe you were made with the same hands that made the Grand Canyon. You are beautiful and you are incredible. If you overindulge, ok. This does not define you. You are more important than a number on a scale. You are more important than jean size. It’s time you start to give yourself some credit in the grand scheme of things. Because that’s what you’re designed for, you are designed to play a part of the grand scheme. 

Love to you, I’m so grateful you felt comfortable to talk to me about this. You’re incredible and such an inspiration of how beauty lies in the rawness of life.

It’s an awesome kind of friendship where the dudes are just as close as the gals and now the kids are becoming friends. Man, we are so blessed with them.

Here is our trip in pictures. The scenery, the company, everything was just perfect. Bud had this peace about him the whole trip because he was playing just as he was designed to. He got to stay outside all day and play in the dirt and run around. It made my heart ache for PNW summers when it doesn’t rain and he’ll be able to do that.

 Here is Cullen reading to Bud, our hearts totally melted into a giant puddle of goo.

Erin W!!!!

Erin, I’ll email you with the email that you posted and you’ll receive the info soon!

Congrats and thanks everyone for entering!

This is from sweet Laurie who is kicking ass and taking names raising two boys 14.5 months apart!

OK first off, I’m really against (for myself…. and maybe in general but to each his own) fad diets and cleanses and all that. They freak me out and honestly, all the ones I used to do when I was overweight only made me more obsessive about weight loss without caring about my health and I never stuck with them. I remember trying this stupid cabbage soup and grapefruit diet only to binge eat a week later because I was so starving. Honestly, the key is consistent exercise and healthy eating. I know that’s annoying but its so true.

With kids, without kids, there is always an excuse not to exercise. Here’s the thing, I used to work full time – sometimes 70 hour weeks. I was tempted to make excuses but you have to schedule in exercise just like you would a doctor’s appointment and find the time of the day that works for you. I’d even write out what I was going to do on my calendar. If I knew I’d be working late one night, I’d get up before work (ugh) and walk/run/workout video. And if I didn’t do it in the morning before work, then I’d make sure before I went into the kitchen at home, I’d put on my workout clothes and work out before supper.

Now that I have a kiddo, I either run (walk now that I’m pregnant) with him in the morning or afternoon. If I don’t do something while he’s awake like running, then during his naptime I do a video. It can be anything from a hilarious cardio dance party or yoga/pilates. And have fun with it, exercise sucks if you can’t find one you enjoy. Or just look like a fool doing it like I did this particular day.

I am admittedly not a gym person, so my workouts are done outside or at home. But if you are a gym person, do an early morning class or a class right after work! Having something like a class scheduled might be the push you need.

Does your kid not nap and refuse to sit in the stroller? Either find a work out video that he/she can mess around and play while you do it OR find a friend to swap days with! Sometimes my friend Kim and I trade off watching our kiddos so the other can take a solo run.

I try to work out each day, but sometimes it ends up being 5-6 days/week. If its walking/running, I rarely go longer than an hour. If its a video, I try and pick a 45 min to an hour one. But if you can only squeeze in 20 minutes, 20 minutes is better than nothing! Hulu Plus has workout videos I’ve been doing, tons to choose from.

Now, the eating thing. Just keep lots of healthy snack foods, fruits, and veggies around. I don’t do “dieting” but I just make sure to eat healthily throughout the day. The only drink I really drink is water so avoiding sugary drinks hasn’t been a temptation for me. (Obvi I still love my wine and beer when I’m not pregnant) 

The best lesson I learned is that its a lifestyle change, not a sprint to look like the actresses in People magazine. If I obsessed over my weight, then I’d always end up in an unhealthy place. But as soon as I made exercise and healthy eating part of my every day routine, including putting it on my calendar, then I started to see results. And as we all know, I’m not afraid to indulge in the things I love. Life is too short yo.